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Greetings, My Dear Children!

It is I, Pica the Lazy! No, but really, I have been doing things, I swear. I just frequently forget to post about them on here these days, because I've mostly moved over to tumblr (please feel free to follow me). I'm still working on my massive editing and podficing project, to remove problematic tropes from my fic, and improve reader accessibility. At this point, I have edited and podfic'd 42 of my 56 stories, though many of the longer fics are still left to do. I've noted in my archives on AO3 and which stories have been edited and which have not. Podfics can be downloaded from my AO3 archive.

a few notable projects worth mentioning here:
- I have edited and podfic'd all three of my popular Remus/Sirius AU fics (A Cure For Nightmares, Highland Fling, TransFigured).
- A Cure For Nightmares and Highland Fling each have a new chapter included in the edit, and TransFigured has a new sequel, TransLate.
- The Highland Fling podfic includes yours truly giving my best attempt at a Scottish accent for Remus and the other Scottish characters, and I changed the fic to give Remus a chronic illness (Lupus), analogous to his lycanthropy in canon.
- I've edited the text (though not yet the podfic) for The Square Peg to give my nonbinary Hagrid gender-neutral pronouns.
- The Diary of Regulus Black and its companion, Consolation Prize (formerly known as Fuck Toy and The Redemption of Severus Snape) have both had complete re-writes, which I posted about here a few months back.
- One Hell of a Woman was edited to make both Kingsley Shacklebolt and Helga Hufflepuff trans.
- A History of Cartographers was expanded to include chapters for both of Snape's and Lily's parents, giving some background on both families.
- Sense Memory, my 2014 R/S Games mod exhibition piece, has been posted to my archives, with podfic.

What's next? I'm glad you asked! (Assuming you did....) The time has come for a full edit of A Conspiracy of Cartographers. I plan to remove problematic material, update my headcanons, re-podfic Year One, and then continue working on the fic. I'll be talking about the changes I am making to the fic as I go on tumblr, but I will not post the edited versions until the full edit is complete, for the sake of continuity. Stay tuned ....
Title: TransLate
Author: [personal profile] pica_scribit (complete fic archive)
Word Count: ~5000
Genre: AU, romance, drama, angst, hurt/comfort
Rating: M
Warnings: Deals frankly with a trans male character experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and abortion.
Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Poppy Pomfrey
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Summary: The Easter before their NEWTs, Remus and Sirius receive some shocking news.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters and the Wizarding world are the sole property of J. K. Rowling. I own nothing except my own ideas, and make no profit. No copyright infringement is intended.
Note: This is a sequel to my first trans!Remus story, TransFigured.

Remus gave a hollow, humourless chuckle.

"Is something funny?" his boyfriend asked irritably.

"A bit," said Remus. "Pomfrey thinks I'm pregnant."

Sirius stilled. "That's not funny."

"No, I suppose it's not."

"Are you?"

Remus looked down at his feet, dangling over the lake. "Yeah."
Edited to make Kingsley trans, since that's my new headcanon for him.

Title: One Hell of a Woman
Word Count: 3100
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Relationships: Kingsley Shacklebolt/Helga Hufflepuff
Characters: Kingsley Shacklebolt, Quirinus Quirrell, Helga Hufflepuff, Statue Helga Hufflepuff, Original Male Character(s)
Additional Tags: Fluff, Humor, Canon Compliant, Black Male Character, Bisexual Male Character, Trans Male Character, Kingsley is bi and trans, Sexual Fantasy, Dream Sex, Frottage, Statues, Snarky Gargoyles, Hogwarts, Rare Characters, Rare Pairings, Trans Female Character, Podfic, Podfic Available, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes
Summary: In his final year at Hogwarts, Kingsley develops a fascination with his House's founder, leading to a strange encounter in the Hogwarts staffroom.

Bent over a thick book in the Hogwarts library, Kingsley found himself drawn into the world of the school's founders. Every now and then, he would encounter some fact or detail which might be useful for his project, and made note of it, but more often than not, he found himself sidetracked by anecdotes of Helga Hufflepuff's tolerance, good humour, and many rumoured love affairs.

She had been a woman ahead of her time. Not only was she the first of the founders to accept Muggleborn students without reservation; she had never discriminated on the grounds of race nor gender nor sexual orientation. Kingsley himself was a pure-blood wizard, but as a black, queer trans man, Hufflepuff's reputation for progressiveness was extremely relevant to his interests. It was said that Hufflepuff herself had never turned anyone away from her bed, regardless of gender, if they pleased her eye.

Fic: Just Sex (R/S, rated E)

I've now edited this fic, adding ~900 words to the smutty part, and recorded a podfic of the new version.

Title: Just Sex
Word Count: 6100
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, mentioned James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter
Additional Tags: Friendship, Romance, Getting Together, Shameless Smut, First War with Voldemort, top!Remus, Bottom!Sirius, One Night Stands, Friends to Lovers, Anal Sex, Secretly In Love With Each Other For Years, Coming Out, Podfic, Podfic Available, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes, Canon Compliant, Explicit Consent


Remus looked away. The truth was that he did want to bed Sirius. The knowledge that Sirius was willing and eager to have him made his palms sweat and his heart race. That did not make it a good idea. "I don't want to be one of your conquests, Padfoot. And I don't want to lose you as a friend."

Sirius's voice softened. "You wouldn't, Moony. That would never happen."

"You don't know that."

Sirius touched his arm, forcing Remus to meet his eyes. "You've been one of my best mates for eight years, Moony," he said gently. "We've been through so much together. We care about each other. Nothing's going to wreck that. It's just sex. It doesn't have to change anything."

Just sex. It was easy for Sirius to say that. But it would never be "just sex" for Remus. Not with Sirius.
I finished chapters for all the Marauders' parents last year, but now I've gone back and added Lily and Snape's families as well, and recorded a podfic. This series of shorts is compliant with A Conspiracy of Cartographers, and acts as a sort of prequel.

Title: A History of Cartographers
Words: 7127
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death (Original Character)
Relationships: Remus Lupin’s Parents, Orion Black/Walburga Black, James Potter’s Parents - Relationship, Lily Evans’ Parents, Peter Pettigrew’s Parents, Eileen Prince/Tobias Snape
Characters: Walburga Black, Orion Black, Eileen Prince, Tobias Snape, Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s), Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Severus Snape, Regulus Black, Petunia Evans Dursley, Alphard Black
Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Foreshadowing, Family, Marriage, Pregnancy, Childbirth, Babies, Children, Parenthood, Werewolves, Black Character(s), POC James Potter, Trans Male Character, Pureblood Culture, Arranged Marriage, Poverty, Prostitution, Teen Pregnancy, Domestic Violence, Abusive Relationships, Abusive Parents, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Strangulation, Parent Death, Terminal Illnesses, Internalized Misogyny, Homophobia, Transphobia, Podfic, Podfic Available, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes
Summary: 1958-66: Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, Peter, Severus. Six children from six very different families. Twelve parents who only exist between the lines of canon, but who were instrumental in shaping the characters we love, and the story as we know it.

Excerpt from "Rose Evans":

Rose was not her real name. She had left that behind with everything else when she ran away from the base and her father's cruelty, her mother's indifference. She learned to copy the accents of the other children, bought a train ticket to London, and disappeared. For a while, she lived on the streets, trading her body for the money men gave her, because it meant surviving for another day.

When the truant officers took her, she refused to tell them who she was or where she came from. They sent her to Wool's Home for Children. That was where she met Harry Evans. His parents were dead. She told him hers were, too. He told her that her green eyes were pretty. She said she liked his red hair.
Title: On the Cusp of Slytherin
Word Count: 6600
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Minerva McGonagall/Tom Riddle
Characters: Minerva McGonagall, Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Albus Dumbledore, Moaning Myrtle, Galatea Merrythought, Armando Dippet, Original Female Character(s)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Teen Pregnancy, Chamber of Secrets, Accidental Incest, Secret Identity, Pureblood Culture, POV First Person, Unplanned Pregnancy, Emotional Manipulation, Riddle at Hogwarts Era, Minor Violence, Podfic, Podfic Available, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes
Summary: 1942-43: A Gryffindor girl learns the hard way why Slytherin boys are best left alone, especially if that boy is named Tom Riddle. Edited July 2014.

This fic grew out of a pre-Deathly Hallows fan theory that McGonagall would turn out to be a secret villain (balancing Snape's secret hero), based on circumstantial evidence found mainly in Chamber of Secrets, and the birthdate originally given for her which would have made her a year older than Tom Riddle.

If you were to ask someone from each of the Hogwarts Houses what it means to be a Gryffindor, you would probably come up with four different answers. Gryffindors themselves will harp on proudly about bravery in the face of terrible odds, and great feats of heroism. Ravenclaws, on the other hand, will point to their history books and happily tell you about dozens of historical Gryffindors who were anything but heroic. A more naturally-cautious Hufflepuff might tell you that Gryffindors have a tendency to dive into dangerous situations without thinking, or stick their noses into things that do not concern them. And Slytherins? Everyone knows what they think: that Gryffindors are all hot air and arrogance, and that a person usually has to die to be proclaimed a hero.

Which do I think is right? They all are, to some extent. Some Gryffindors are more one thing than the other, and for some of us, it depends upon the day of the week, or which way the wind is blowing. One thing upon which all the Houses can usually agree is that, if a person is doing something for shock value, nine times out of ten, that person is a Gryffindor.
I just realised I never posted this after finishing the re-write last week! For those who may have read the old version which I wrote nine years ago, this version is about three times as long, and I am much happier with it.

Title: The Diary of Regulus Black
Word Count: 5134
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Relationships: Regulus Black/Severus Snape, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Characters: Regulus Black, Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Walburga Black, Orion Black, Remus Lupin, Kreacher (Harry Potter), Voldemort, Original Female Character(s)
Additional Tags: MWPP Era, First War with Voldemort, Diary/Journal, Canon Compliant, Brothers, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Abusive Relationships, Pureblood Culture, Sexual Coercion, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Unhealthy Relationships, Death Eaters, Parent Death, Canonical Character Death, Multimedia, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, on the early entries at least, Snape is an abusive dick, Forced Orgasm, Physical Abuse, Rape, Regulus is uncertain about his sexual/romantic orientation, Self-Sacrifice
Summary: 1971-1979: All that Regulus Black ever wanted was to do the right thing and have someone be proud of him. His parents. His brother. His best friend. The man he loved. Twenty-seven entries from Regulus's diary, dating from his childhood to his death.
I have scavenged the corpse of the fic once called Fuck Toy and The Redemption of Severus Snape to create something new. It's recognisably the same concept, but I've retained less than 10% of the original story, made the ending canon-compliant, and given it a new title, so it is essentially an entirely new story.

Title: Consolation Prize
Word Count: 3700
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Relationships: Regulus Black/Severus Snape, Past Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Characters: Severus Snape, Regulus Black, Remus Lupin
Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, MWPP Era, First War with Voldemort, POV First Person, Villain PoV, Abusive Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships, Rape, Sexual Coercion, Emotional Manipulation, Male Entitlement, Nice Guyism, Asexual Character, Canonical Character Death, Podfic, Podfic Available, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes
Summary: Regulus Black. Regs. He was a fool. An ignorant boy who would do anything for a pat on the head and a few words of praise. He was nothing to me. Less than. Only a means to some small measure of revenge against his brother. I wanted to use him -- to hurt him. But I never wished him dead.

Companion to The Diary of Regulus Black.

Flawed and twisted as the whole affair was, Regulus was the only one who ever gave a damn about me, either before Her, or after She took herself away from me. It was nothing short of a cruel joke. I was never good enough for a poor Muggleborn girl, even though I treated her like gold, and yet the son of a proud pure-blood family gave himself to me when I would have used him and cast him aside without a second thought. Regulus Black was my consolation prize from an unjust universe that would not give me Her.
Title: Vicious Rumours
Word Count: 96k
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans Potter, Severus Snape, Gideon Prewett, Fabian Prewett, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Helsing Gandolfsson (OC), Poppy Pomfrey
Additional Tags: Marauders, MWPP Era, Pre-Slash, Werewolves, Hogwarts Second Year, Hogwarts, Friendship, Family, Families of Choice, First War with Voldemort, POC James Potter, Peter is an actual character
Chapter Summary: Rumours are flying that werewolves were responsible for the destruction of Dunheath.

"Not all wizards hate werewolves," Sirius pointed out, interrupting him. "Just stupid ones who don't know any better. You can't hate all wizards just because some of them are tossers. That's just as bad as wizards hating all werewolves."

"It's not the same thing," Remus burst out, trying to keep the pleading note from his voice. "You don't know what it's like, having all these laws and rules telling you what you can and can't do a hundred times a day. If I get caught breaking or forgetting one, it's not detention I have to worry about. I could go to prison. Wizards made those laws, and other wizards kept quiet and went along with it. Whether the three of you agree with them or not doesn't matter. It doesn't affect you -- at least not any more than you decide you want it to. I don't get to decide that. No matter how 'good' I am, I don't get to live my life in peace. I don't ever get to not think about it. If I say 'I hate wizards' -- if every werewolf in the world says it -- maybe your feelings will be hurt, but you still get to live your lives however you want. It's not at all the same thing as wizards hating werewolves."

Reminder: I am way more active on tumblr than LJ these days. Come find me there!

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